When Risk Emerges
Planning and Parting
Resources to Reach For
Holding Complexity and Differences
For Those Who Hold Space
A page for when someone shares a role, dream, or name they no longer carry — and the ache that still follows.
Whether someone says:
“I used to be a writer,” or “I don’t feel like a mother anymore,” or “I’m not who I was before the assault”
They are offering you a memory of selfhood. A flicker of identity they once held tightly, and may still grieve.
This page offers gentle ways to honor those echoes — and affirm that who they were still matters, even if the world no longer sees it.
🌳 What This Page Offers
- Phrasing for honoring lost roles, identities, or dreams
- Reflections to witness and validate identity grief
- Gentle curiosity without pushing someone to define themselves
- Guidance for those feeling disconnected from who they used to be
- Companion mini-tools for specific identity themes
🧵 Echoes That Matter
“I used to be a teacher.”“I wrote poetry once.”“That was before the diagnosis.”
Sometimes, these phrases are dropped quietly.
Other times, they arrive heavy with sorrow.
Either way, they hold something sacred — not just what was lost, but what still lingers.
Let the past self be acknowledged. Let the grief be real.
🌿 You might say…
- “It sounds like that part of your life really shaped you.”
- “Even if it’s not part of your present, it’s still a part of your story.”
- “I’m hearing how much that role meant to you.”
🌘 Identity Grief
When someone can no longer be who they once were — by force, trauma, illness, or change — they often feel untethered.
This is not about fixing. It’s about letting them lay their memories down for a moment.
🌿 That Might Sound Like….
- “Is there a version of yourself you miss?”
- “Are there pieces of you that feel far away right now?”
- “If you want to, I’d love to hear more about who you were then.”
🫂 Disconnected, Not Defeated
Sometimes, people aren’t mourning a specific identity — they’re struggling to feel like a person at all.
🌿 You Might Hear:
- “I don’t feel like me anymore.”
- “I don’t know who I am.”
🌿 Try responding with:
- “That’s such a hard place to be in. And you’re not alone in it.”
- “You don’t have to know who you are right now. I’m here with you even in the not-knowing.”
- “Sometimes just surviving disconnects us from ourselves. That doesn’t mean you’re gone.”
To speak of a former self is not weakness — it is longing. It is remembering that we are not only what we’ve become. We are what we’ve endured, and all the selves we’ve loved along the way.