Support for survivors. Safety, always. Judgment, never.
When Risk Emerges
Planning and Parting
Resources to Reach For
Holding Complexity and Differences
For Those Who Hold Space
Intimate Partner Violence — sometimes called domestic violence, dating abuse, or relationship abuse — isn’t just physical.
It’s about power and control.
It’s isolation that gets disguised as protection.
It’s fear wrapped in apology.
It’s the silence that comes from not being believed.
This page helps you recognize red flags, respond with gentleness, and hold space for survivors — especially when IPV intersects with crisis, trauma, or suicidal thoughts.
🌳 What This Page Offers
A guide to supporting people impacted by IPV with empathy, safety, and unwavering presence.
- Red flags and coded disclosures
- Gentle, safety-centered questions
- Integrated risk and suicide assessment
- Survivor-informed safety planning
- Resources offered with softness, not pressure
🚨 Recognizing Red Flags
Not everyone will name what’s happening as abuse.
But they may describe it — in fragments, hesitations, or metaphors.
Listen for:
- Isolation from family, friends, or resources
- Control over money, medications, or devices
- Verbal cruelty, threats, or humiliation
- Fear of “getting in trouble” for talking
- Harm to pets or destruction of belongings
- Anxiety about being overheard
That Might Sound Like…
- “I used to see my sister, but now it’s just me and him.”
- “I can’t talk long — he checks my phone.”
💬 You might ask…
- “Is your partner in the room with you right now?”
- “Do you feel safe to keep talking?”
- “Have they ever hurt you or made you feel afraid?”
- “Is some of what’s happening part of why you’re feeling this way today?”
📌 If it’s not safe to talk, explore quieter times, alternate methods (text/chat), or trusted go-betweens.
🧭 Suicide + IPV: A Dual Lens
When someone is facing both IPV and suicidal thoughts, we hold both with care.
- Start with physical safety — Are they safe right now?
- Assess suicide risk — Only if they feel safe to continue
- Explore layered risk — Including:
- Coercion, control, or threats tied to suicide
- Hopelessness from financial, legal, or custody entrapment
- Past attempts, or being blamed for suicidal ideation
Safety planning must honor both emotional and physical danger. One cannot be traded for the other.
📋 Survivor-Centered Safety Planning
🏠 While in the relationship
- Safe room with multiple exits, no weapons
- Hidden phone or prepaid Tracfone
- Code word for children or trusted contacts
🏃♀️ When planning to leave
- Important documents hidden or stored with a friend
- Emergency bag, spare keys
- Plan for pets and children
- Trusted person to stay with or call
🕊️ After leaving
- Consider protective orders (if safe and accessible)
- New routines or routes
- Emotional care and connection — healing is not linear
💡 Leaving is often the most dangerous time. Planning — not urgency — protects life.
🌱 Referrals: Offer, Don’t Urge
Support shouldn’t feel like pressure.
Referrals are invitations — not requirements.
Many survivors have reached out before and been dismissed. Let this space feel different.
💜 Support Resources
- National Domestic Violence Hotline
📞 1-800-799-SAFE | 🌐 thehotline.org
- Love is Respect (for teens/young adults)
- StrongHearts Native Helpline
🕯️ Final Reflection
Hold space without condition.
Offer care without question.
And above all — believe them.
We don’t get to decide when someone is ready. We just get to be here when they are.